Maithily's Scribblings

Three days after writing “ The Mother I’m Afraid of Becoming ,” a strong guilt lingered inside me. It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t dramatic. But it stayed. I began noticing something uncomfortable — my daughter had been trying her best to be the best version of herself… for me. She had been adjusting to my constant changes. Listening carefully to what I said. Watching me more than I realized. And then it struck me. She wasn’t just listening. She had been imitating me. She screamed at the top of her voice — because that was what I did when I was overwhelmed. She kept a long face when upset — because that was how I reacted in anger. She played alone in the living room — because I stayed in my room, working on my laptop, telling her I was “busy.” If she wasn’t supported, how would she truly understand what was right and what was wrong? That Sunday, something shifted. I sat beside her and read her a story. It was about a little boy who refused to put his toys back in place. Later, ...

On 31st January 2026, my daughter was performing a Durga dance for her annual feast. Her excitement was sky-high. On 30th January, just a day before the event, we received her costume. We opened it carefully, checked every piece — and that’s when we realized something was missing. She didn’t have bangles. For a Durga costume, bangles are not optional. They complete the look. Without wasting time, we rushed to our usual go-to shop — Bombay Sale at Kodiyar Nagar. To our surprise, they didn’t have bangles for a four-year-old. We thought, “Okay, maybe another store.” That “another store” turned into roaming almost every familiar stretch we knew. Kodiyar Nagar. VIP Road. Harni. Amit Circle. Sama. Shop after shop. Not a single store had bangles for such a small child. We were genuinely shocked. How could something so basic be so hard to find? After hours of searching, we finally decided we would somehow manage with the few mismatched ones we had at home. And just when we were...

I have already written about how much I love my grandfather’s house in Supparayapuram. That house was never just a structure. It was my childhood’s silent witness. Front Entrance But now, it stands half-demolished — fragile, unsafe, and no longer suitable to use. After serious thought and discussion, my father and my chittapa have decided to demolish it completely and build a small new room in its place. Not something grand. Not something modern and flashy. Just something that gives the space life again. When I look at the recent images, my heart feels heavy. I don’t just see broken walls. I see my grandmother walking through the wide kitchen. I see my grandfather sitting outside, lost in thought. I see the lemon tree that stood proudly near the side. The curry leaves plant that always smelled fresh. The huge kitchen — fully equipped even in those days. The water storage “thooti” near the kitchen. The narrow pathway that led to the backyard. Every corner carries a memory...

  I am a mother to a 4.8-year-old girl. And often… I feel like I am not a good mom. I don’t know if other mothers feel this way. But some days, the guilt sits heavy on my chest. It’s just my husband and me managing everything at home. We both work full-time. He goes to the office; I work remotely. He is incredibly supportive. We share responsibilities — cooking, cleaning, caring for our daughter. He has never left me alone in this journey. Because of him, I have been able to build and sustain my career after becoming a mother. If not for his support, I wouldn’t have had the courage to continue working. Since moving to Vadodara, I spend almost 20 hours a day with my daughter. And she imitates everything I do. There are beautiful things she picks up from me. But there’s a darker side too. My temper. My tone. My impatience. My harsh words. Before becoming a mother, I was never around babies much. I didn’t know how to raise one. Some days I manage well. But most days, I ...

Since moving to Vadodara, I’ve been missing office life more than I expected. Not just the work — but the spotlight. The training sessions. The energy of team interactions. The personality development programs. The collaborations. The monthly meetings filled with ideas and debates. I miss the face-to-face conversations with colleagues. The spontaneous brainstorming. The learning that happens in hallways. The feeling of walking into a room full of ambition. When you shift cities, you don’t just change your address. You quietly step away from a version of yourself. In January, our office annual awards took place. For the past two years, I had done the voice-over for the event. This year too, I contributed — but remotely. Sitting miles away, recording from home, sending files back and forth. It felt strange. I missed being on the stage. I missed the lights. I missed the applause. I missed the possibility of either giving an award… or receiving one. I told myself it wa...

Today (18-Feb-2026) was my husband’s birthday. There was no lavish party. No grand dinner outside. Just a simple celebration at home. And somehow, that made it even more special. Last night, without anyone asking her, my daughter had drawn a picture for her dad. The moment I told her in the morning that it was Appa’s birthday, she ran to him and gave him her handmade drawing. Then she proudly declared that she would decorate the house for him. She was beyond excited. The morning felt unusually calm. As always, I packed his lunch — beetroot methi chapati with cauliflower, sweet corn, and cashew gravy. But today, he didn’t have to drop our daughter at school before heading to work. That small change made a big difference. He left home before 8:00 AM and said, almost smiling, that he had eaten peacefully after such a long time. Maybe that was the best gift I gave him this year — a peaceful breakfast and an early start to his day. As he reached the office, birthday messages fro...

Again, the intention is not to compare but sometimes experiences redefine standards. When Kidzee Sayajipura sent a notice about the annual concert, something inside me tightened. It was a paid event. No compulsion. And the class teacher personally asked us if we wished to enroll her. That itself felt different. Respectful. Thoughtful. A big tick. Practice Without Pressure The practice schedules were always within school hours. Only once was it on a Saturday — and we were informed well in advance. Yet deep inside, I was frightened. I was anxious. I had bad dreams. There were moments when I wanted to withdraw her from the program. I wasn’t ready to face another technical failure. I wasn’t ready to relive another invisible performance. I wasn’t ready to fail her again. Every day when I picked my daughter up from school, her class teacher would gently tell me, “She danced well today,” or “She needs a little more practice.” That communication meant everything. The childre...

The intention here is not to compare. But the wound is so, so deep that I had to pen this down — hoping that writing it might help me forget… or at least move on. Today, I received a video from Kidzee Sayajipura and saw my daughter dancing in full swing. It was beautifully captured by the school’s professional videographers. Watching her made me happy. But it also triggered something. It pulled me back to those dreadful days — the ones that still haunt me and quietly hurt me from within. Her first performance in Pre-KG was something I eagerly looked forward to as a mother. Like every mother, I was excited beyond words to see her dance on stage. We were seated far from the stage, but we managed to watch her perform. We clicked a few long-distance photos and videos on our phones. The event was live-streamed, and we were assured that a professional HD copy would be available online. We returned home tired but excited. We opened the video to relive the moment. And that’s when my hear...

 That was the name of the first house we stayed in after our marriage — in beautiful Mangalore. Mangalore was magical. Lush greenery everywhere. From our balcony, I could see endless coconut trees, swaying gently in the breeze. The view felt alive — peaceful, fresh, comforting. It was a simple two-bedroom, semi-furnished flat. It had almost everything we needed. More than the furniture or the space, it held our first memories as a married couple — learning each other’s habits, sharing laughter, building routines. I loved staying there. My mom visited us there once. I can still remember her presence in that house — her voice, her warmth, her quiet approval as she saw me settle into this new phase of life. But after she passed away in May 2015, something changed. The same house that once felt full began to feel empty. I started having nightmares. I missed her so deeply that every corner reminded me of her visit. Her absence echoed louder than the silence. And I realised somet...

This happened around the 18th of July, 2014. We were newly married, still learning about each other, slowly trying to become friends before anything else. My husband usually returned home around 8:30 or 9:00 PM. So when the doorbell rang at around 6:00 PM, I casually assumed he had come home early. But when I opened the door, it wasn’t him. It was his colleague, Sharma. He handed me my husband’s mobile charger and casually asked how he was doing. I was confused. I told him my husband hadn’t returned home yet. That’s when he said something that froze me. “There was a small accident at the office. Something fell on his head. He left in the morning itself.” My heart stopped. I didn’t know what to think. Tears started flowing instantly. Seeing me cry, Sharma tried saying something to calm me down and left. With trembling hands, I kept calling my husband. After a few attempts, he finally answered. He said he was at the guest house with his friend — the place where he used to stay ...

In these twelve years of marriage, as far as my memory stretches, my husband has never once told me what he wanted to eat. Never asked for a special dish. Never made a request. But on 10th February 2026 , something changed. For the very first time in twelve years, he said he wanted to eat green gram gravy. And I don’t know why… but it felt so incredibly special. On one hand, I was already running out of ideas about what to cook. And on the other hand, this man — the man I love so deeply — had finally asked me to make something just for him. There was no grand celebration. No dramatic moment. Just a simple request. I hurried into the kitchen with a smile I couldn’t hide. I prepared the green gram gravy with extra care, and for a change, I even made urad dal rice — something I was trying for the first time. The entire process felt different. Warm. Meaningful. Personal. It wasn’t just about cooking. It wasn’t just about food. It was about being needed. It was about being asked....

I am someone who loves celebrating my birthday. As a child, it was exciting. But after becoming an adult, it became something deeper, a day I consciously set aside for myself. A day where I felt special. A day where I allowed myself to enjoy the little things that make me happy. But in August 2025, my birthday carried a different weight. On the 28th, my father-in-law passed away. It was one of the most devastating moments of my life. He was not just an elder in the family; he was my guide, my guardian, someone whose presence anchored us all. His last rites were planned for the 29th. My birthday. I was shattered. I was grieving. I felt lost. Gowri Athai was with me throughout. She picked me up from the Chennai airport, brought me to Cuddalore, and took care of me like my own mother. In that moment, when I had lost someone so significant, she became my quiet strength. Even while I was mourning, my phone kept lighting up. Friends and relatives were calling and messaging to wish me....

It feels strange to even write this in the past tense. I am a below-average cook. I say that without hesitation. The curries I make taste good not because of my skill, but because of a secret ingredient — a special chilli powder. But this wasn’t just any chilli powder. It was formulated by my father-in-law. Ground in his own mill. Packed in his own shop. Made with precision, patience, and pride. Traditional South Indian Kulambu milagai podi,  but to me, it was simply mama’s masala . After I got married, I never worried about buying chilli powder from outside. All I had to do was make one phone call. “Mama, milagai podi venum…” And he would prepare it fresh for me. My brother-in-law Suresh would carefully pack and courier it. If someone travelled from Cuddalore to Mangalore or Chennai, I would request them to bring a packet. It travelled across cities with me like a silent family member. I must thank my father-in-law for this — whether I learned cooking or not, his masala n...

Based on my daily experience with my four-year-old daughter... Daily Chaos Honestly, I wish knives became blunt the moment tiny hands touched them. I wish lipstick and nail polish would instantly dry up if kids picked them up. I wish the handwash dispenser allowed exactly one pump—no more, no less. I wish bathrooms were extremely inviting only until bath time was done, and then immediately stopped being interesting. And once they stepped out of the bath, I wish kids magically came out dry , especially the long, dense hair they absolutely refuse to dry, because patience is clearly optional at that age. Very Important Invention A device that tells me the exact time my child will need to use the bathroom. I could plan my entire day around it. Productivity would skyrocket. An I nvisible-to-Kids Rack A rack where chocolates, snacks, juices, and junk food are clearly visible to adults but completely invisible to toddlers. Because no matter where I store these things, they somehow g...